In this moment of my life, I am immersed in everything related to motherhood. It seems that my life is limited to mom / baby / marriage and breastfeeding / whining / fatigue / giggles / etc. Every day the same story. Lately, I feel that there are only two worlds: one is perfect, immaculate, modern and knows everything: this world is called social networks. In networks, motherhood is wonderful and magical and is exactly as every woman would have imagined.
And then there is another world: the media and its way of describing motherhood. I have not seen the movie Tully yet, but just watching the trailer saddens me. On the other hand, I saw the first episode of the Netflix series The Letdown and I felt identified, yes, but also somewhat hopeless.
Basically, what I want to say is that everything we see about motherhood is either perfect or depressing. Or magical or terrible. Or the most incredible thing in the world, or the most exhausting. And that’s true, but it also is not.
The reality is that motherhood is both. All those things that I mentioned and many more. There are many mixed feelings. Often, I feel happy as well as sad. Full of energy, but exhausted. Sad and inspired. Confused and with clear ideas. Busy, but concentrated. I want time to stop or go faster. I look forward to bedtime, but I enjoy playing with my children. I feel many things at once, never one. Because, as soon as I feel extreme anxiety when my son comes running to my room (my office) without pants or in a diaper in the middle of an important videoconference, as I feel pride in my work; as soon as I get angry because I hear my children say some bad word, as I am dumbfounded watching them when I’m breastfeeding them …
… Or I feel panic because I have not taken anything out for dinner and I wonder what we are going to eat, or I feel anxious to see how the house is doing because it seems to have been looted. But I also feel proud to see how my two older children hit five and say “best friends!” (they just learned it and it’s great), or I’m dying of love when the little one tells me I’m beautiful …
… Or I feel exhausted after answering thousands of emails, or some embarrassment when I serve the fourth or fifth cup of coffee of the day, or I laugh out loud because my two-year-old son asks me if we can go to the ” house of chocolate donuts “(the bakery), or I dare to think that in half an hour my husband comes to work and we can divide the tasks …
… Or joy when listening to the baby laugh at the nonsense that her sister does, confusion because she does not know how to handle her fights, or I feel overwhelmed by the idea of wanting to bring order but having no idea where to start and, Suddenly, I am surprised at the generosity my children have in their hearts after seeing how they help each other. Or I’m excited to see a new chapter of my favorite series, thanks for the life I have and the people who are part of it, or I wish it would sometimes be easier for me to understand that all this chaos and lack of energy will not last. forever.
I do not feel only one thing, I feel EVERYTHING at once. Motherhood is complex, and can not be defined with a single word or included in a specific category.
I always try to accept that life can be complicated, exhausting, and that we face many challenges, but I also do not want to stop celebrating the beautiful parts. Because it’s inspiring, it’s fun, it’s everything I’ve always imagined, and it’s magical. Motherhood consists of learning, growing, evolving and transforming, as well as accepting things and raising our children. It consists in remembering who you have been, knowing who you are and who you want to be. In not forgetting what things you liked to do when you had time, in appreciating what you have now and knowing what you have to give priority to at this time, and also involves setting challenges and dreams for the future.
Motherhood is not comparing, nor winning, nor being perfect. Motherhood is enriching, it is a lesson in humility and, above all, I must say that it is something wonderful.